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January 4, 2008

As I Was Going To Saint Barts…


Let’s recap: Les didn’t know whether Funky was chaperoning Cory’s party… and Summer “took the fifth” rather than telling him because she didn’t want FUNKY to find out whether he’d chaperoned Cory’s party… because Les didn’t know that his best friend was off in the French West Indies.

(Your comments about the earlier strip)

How Far is Westview from Columbus?

Because couldn’t you just see Les being the second guy arrested?

January 3, 2008

Taking the Fifth


Putting aside the fact that Les doesn’t seem to know what “taking the fifth means” means (it’s not as if he ever knew any lawyers, after all), isn’t whether or not Funky and Holly were there something Funky would already know?

(assuming Funky’s still on the wagon)

And I’m assuming “I wasn’t drinking” is a direct response to “taking the fifth,” referring to “a fifth of scotch” or somesuch. Which, see, Summer wasn’t drinking.

Personally — and let me know if I’m alone here — whether Funky and Holly would be chaperoning the party is something I’d be asking about before allowing my 16-year-old to attend.

How I Would Fix Funky Winkerbean

Filed under: Bill Bickel, comic strips, comics, Funky Winkerbean, humor, Les Moore, Lisa Moore, Tom Batiuk — Cidu Bill @ 12:17 am

It’s 1999. The gang is playing touch football, and Lisa is hit hard and goes down. She loses consciousness for a few minutes and when she wakes up she says “Les, I just had this terrible dream. I died, and after I was gone you aged very badly and became a pathetic loser who creeps out our daughter.” Les assures her none of this will ever happen, she adds “and Les, let’s sell all our dot.com stock right now,” and the strip continues from there.

January 1, 2008

The Funky Bowl

Filed under: Bill Bickel, CIDU, comic strips, comics, football, Funky Winkerbean, humor, Les Moore, Tom Batiuk — Cidu Bill @ 1:02 am


Updated: Okay, so I was promptly informed that Summer did not in fact throw Les a human heart, and that what looks like one in his hand is merely the design on his sweatshirt (which still doesn’t explain what she’s throwing in panel 3, what he’s picking up in panel 5, and what he’s looking at in panel 7).

But here’s what I’m really wondering now, and maybe because of my near-legendary lack of artistic skills (seriously, you’d rather have Les as your quarterback than have me as your Pictionary teammate):

When you take a photograph, I can understand how an unfortunate camera angle can give you tree branches appearing to come out of somebody’s ears, or two heads appearing to be attacked to the same body, or somebody seeming to be holding a human heart — because that’s what the camera is “seeing” at the time.

But when you’re drawing a picture, starting with a white sheet of paper and adding exactly what you want to add, how do you just happen to end up with, say, Les holding a human heart? How are you not aware of this as you’re drawing it?

This really is a serious question, and not a criticism of Tom Batiuk. I sincerely do not know how this sort of thing happens, though it clearly is not uncommon.

December 24, 2007

Well, at least he’s not wearing a cheerleader skirt…

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I really do believe that Tom Batiuk is leading up to Les being not just embarrassingly eccentric, but mentally ill — ever since, in fact, that bizarre adventure in Manhattan “ten years ago.”

Which of course will make these strips a lot less amusing in hindsight, the same way all those jokes about Ronald Reagan’s memory and attention span lapses were funny until it turned out he had Alzheimer’s.

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December 22, 2007

If He Thought About It a Bit Moore…

Filed under: Bill Bickel, CIDU, comic strips, comics, date rape, Funk Winkerbean, humor, Les Moore, Lisa Moore — Cidu Bill @ 2:26 pm

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Of course, Lisa ended up pregnant after a high school date encounter that was later retconned into a date rape…

December 19, 2007

My Date With Les

Filed under: Bill Bickel, comic strips, comics, Funky Winkerbean, humor, Les Moore, Tom Batiuk — Cidu Bill @ 6:12 am

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Okay, see, since pretty much our first impression of the middle-aged Les/Summer relationship was kind of creepy, and she came right out and called him creepy, it’s difficult not to read a strip like this one other than through ick-colored glasses.

Les really has gone too long without a woman.

November 25, 2007

Creepy Winkerbean

Filed under: Bill Bickel, CIDU, comic strips, comics, Funky Winkerbean, humor, Les Moore, Tom Batiuk — Cidu Bill @ 1:03 pm

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Okay, while last week’s photo business bordered on the creepy, but could have been interpreted as Les simply trying to embarrass his daughter, Summer’s comment in today’s strip…

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I felt as if I needed to wash my hands after reading this one.

November 18, 2007

Horsey

Filed under: Bill Bickel, comic strips, comics, fatherhood, Funky Winkerbean, humor, Les Moore — Cidu Bill @ 12:01 am

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Heh. I’ve said the same thing, word for word. I suspect there’s a list of “father phrases” imprinted into our brains and as much as we don’t think so when we’re kids, we will say every one one of them eventually.

October 29, 2007

With Cindy On My Arm

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The strip has jumped ahead to 2017 by which time, apparently, Greenwich Village has become a solidly heterosexual enclave and the running of the Halloween parade is now in the hands of people who couldn’t get tickets for Comic Con.

October 17, 2007

The Complete Funky Files

October 14, 2007

Waiting For Funky

Filed under: Central Park, CIDU, comic strips, comics, Funky Winkerbean, Les Moore, New York City, rain — Cidu Bill @ 12:15 pm

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Um… The best solution anybody could come up with was having Les wait on a bench in Central Park, in the rain, while Funky flew in from Ohio???

The complete Funky Files

October 13, 2007

Funky Prediction

Assuming Tom Batiuk, like most of the rest of us, has had his fill of Dark Funky… Les calls Cindy, the only person he knows in New York. She helps him through the next few days, they become close, and eventually she decides that the life of a television reporter isn’t what she really wants from life — and that a life back in Ohio with Les might be (thus fulfilling the common writer fantasy of the high school nerd ending up with the high school beauty queen).

Les’s visit to the psychiatrist is taking place on the tenth anniversary of Lisa’s death and is occasioned not by any depression or life crisis, but because he wants “validation” for his desire to move on and ask Cindy to marry him. When the strip restarts, one of the first storylines involves 15-year-old Summer and step-mom Cindy learning to deal with one another. Les is happy, and it was Lisa’s quarter that brought him to Cindy and helped him resume his life.

Quarter ex Machina

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I thought I was kidding about that.

Actually, Lisa having given Les that quarter years ago and his having had it around his neck all this time is all a lot more probable than Les finding a working pay phone in the lobby of this fleabag hotel (though I will say this: If this first first panel actually did appear years ago, I’m suitably impressed).

Bottom line, though, I can’t imagine anybody not being willing to accept a little deus ex machina for the sake of bringing Les’s New York Adventure to a quicker close.

What Moore Can Happen to Les?

outoftowners.gifClearly Tom Batiuk is hellbent on showing us that Lisa Moore was, indeed, the lucky one. When last we saw widower Les, he was wandering the seedier parts of New York City, having just had his wallet and cell phone stolen — and he suddenly remembered that he was supposed to have been on his way home today.

He’s clearly no more than a deus ex machina away from becoming one of those guys who tries to tries to clean your windshield with a greasy rag near the entrance to the Lincoln Tunnel.

Since by now even Mr. Batiuk must be running out of tortures to inflict on his characters, I propose (said proposal suggested by one of Laurie’s posts) that we help him out by suggesting additional indignities Les can be subjected to before the Great Leap Forward (and extra credit if it explains why he apparently isn’t telling all this to a psychiatrist until ten years later).

Yesterday’s Post: Where Depression’s Just Status Quo

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So what, Les is living on Skid Row now and has lost track of what day it is? And never bought a return ticket?

Maybe this is why he isn’t speaking to the psychiatrist until 10 years after the fact: He’d been living in New York as a homeless person for the past decade.

October 11, 2007

You know… It reaches a point where the unrelenting misery just becomes perversely funny

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 or country music.

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