Taking the Fifth

Putting aside the fact that Les doesn’t seem to know what “taking the fifth means” means (it’s not as if he ever knew any lawyers, after all), isn’t whether or not Funky and Holly were there something Funky would already know?

(assuming Funky’s still on the wagon)

And I’m assuming “I wasn’t drinking” is a direct response to “taking the fifth,” referring to “a fifth of scotch” or somesuch. Which, see, Summer wasn’t drinking.

Personally — and let me know if I’m alone here — whether Funky and Holly would be chaperoning the party is something I’d be asking about before allowing my 16-year-old to attend.

How I Would Fix Funky Winkerbean

It’s 1999. The gang is playing touch football, and Lisa is hit hard and goes down. She loses consciousness for a few minutes and when she wakes up she says “Les, I just had this terrible dream. I died, and after I was gone you aged very badly and became a pathetic loser who creeps out our daughter.” Les assures her none of this will ever happen, she adds “and Les, let’s sell all our dot.com stock right now,” and the strip continues from there.

Love Seat Stinks

Topless Woman Asks Firefighter to Show Her His Penis

• and then it got weird (now updated for added weirdness)
  

Told Her So

Table For Two

This Week’s Issue Will Come in a Brown Paper Wrapper

OK! magazine has paid Jamie Lynn Spears — Britney’s 16-year-old sister — one million dollars for “the exclusive story” of Jamie Lynn’s pregnancy. Maybe I’m missing something, but exactly what details are OK! paying for? We can probably figure out the details for ourselves (though perhaps there were some things Jamie Lynn didn’t understand at the time), and anything even remotely detailed would fall under the category of child porn.

But seriously guys… Way to celebrate and reward teen pregnancy!

Drew Peterson: ”It Happened To Me”

• When homicide meets narcissism

Why Jose Canseco Feels ”Vindicated”

And speaking of naming names…

• Article

Naming Names

These comics first ran several years ago but even then, ever since Columbine, kids younger than Ruthie were being suspended for writing lists such as these — and Library Ladies would have been fired for not ratting them out.

Post-9/11, these lists were being called “terroristic threats,” and kids were being hauled off to the police station. In handcuffs.

All this being said, though, “I guess I’ll have to add one more name” was perversely funny.

The Funky Bowl

Updated: Okay, so I was promptly informed that Summer did not in fact throw Les a human heart, and that what looks like one in his hand is merely the design on his sweatshirt (which still doesn’t explain what she’s throwing in panel 3, what he’s picking up in panel 5, and what he’s looking at in panel 7).

But here’s what I’m really wondering now, and maybe because of my near-legendary lack of artistic skills (seriously, you’d rather have Les as your quarterback than have me as your Pictionary teammate):

When you take a photograph, I can understand how an unfortunate camera angle can give you tree branches appearing to come out of somebody’s ears, or two heads appearing to be attacked to the same body, or somebody seeming to be holding a human heart — because that’s what the camera is “seeing” at the time.

But when you’re drawing a picture, starting with a white sheet of paper and adding exactly what you want to add, how do you just happen to end up with, say, Les holding a human heart? How are you not aware of this as you’re drawing it?

This really is a serious question, and not a criticism of Tom Batiuk. I sincerely do not know how this sort of thing happens, though it clearly is not uncommon.

Answer That?

Okay, this is just… nice. It’s remarkable how much better this strip became around the same time Jon and Liz began an adult relationship.

Comics That Made Me Laugh Out Loud in Late December

I think the difference between fathers and mothers is that fathers deliberately embarrass their pre-teen and teenage children, while mothers just… do.

Hawaii

Yes.

A Post-Christmas Comic That Made Me Laugh Out Loud

I can laugh at this, because Christmas isn’t my holiday. All I ever have to do is put away a menorah, and I’m done.

And I hope to get around to that by the end of the week at the latest.

• More Christmas Comics That Made Us Laugh Out Loud

Sparky

Matthew 20:16

This is the first time he ever stayed to the end of a Christmas dinner??

• More Post-Christmas Comics I Didn’t Understand

Politically Incorrect Comic of the Week

(and why the comic is dated 12/24 but published 12/29 is another matter)

Potato

Put a Little Sugar On It Honey

I have to wonder whether Mr. Fry ever ate breakfast cereal as a child

since this

and this

have always been around.

In fact, if anything, the trend is toward playing down the sugar content:

The Uber-Ewww

Okay, I think I just found both the icon

and the iconic comic

for the Ewww Files

Cookies

They’re Christmas cookies. Even the President of the ACLU calls them Christmas cookies. Unless, you know, some of them are shaped like dreidels and Kwanzaa candles.

Just saying…

Big Books

Jim Moore: Visually, it looks like the book “who isn’t on steroids” is BIGGER than the book “who is on steroids”? Then what’s the gag?

No New Trial for Donald Blom

He’s guilty as hell, a sadistic killer and possibly a serial killer as well — so should it matter that he didn’t get a fair trial?

• Today’s update
• A Preponderance of Implication: If we all know the defendant’s guilty…

One Final Christmas Comic That Made Me Laugh Out Loud

More Christmas comics that made us lol